Teenage crushes

In a mad rush to grab yet another book to read on the tram (I have read about 4 in the last month) I picked up one that I haven't read for a long time, and in fact one that I love dearly, without even realising I did. It is called Letters of a Love Struck Teenage and I got it free in Seventeen Magazine when I was about 13, which means I have had it for about 11 years now, the pages have little folds where I have marked my place in the past and the paper is starting to brown as old paper does and reading it again, as an 'adult' is a rather strange, sad and nostalgic experience. It has in fact made me think of my first real crush, so I thought I would tell you about him. I won't tell you his name as
a) I think most people know who he was (unless you were living under a rock that is) and
b) I think he went through enough termoil when I was stalking, I mean admiring him, all those years ago.
So he will be known as x.
I first noticed x when I was about 13, he was the bass player in our school band and two school years above me, he wasn't your usual crush (and I don't think he'll mind me saying that) you see he was rather geeky, he played in the band, was/is very intelligent and not the usual bad boy crushes that 13 year old girls go for. But I suppose I wasn't your usual 13 year old, for one I was a HUGE geek and for two I was hardly winning any beauty competitions myself!
However, for whatever reason I was infatuated with x, pretty much wherever he went I somehow mysteriously turned up (when in fact there was nothing mysterious about it, I had probably been planning with my friends down to the last detail, for weeks how to casually 'turn' up lol) sounds bonkers doesn't it? But I suppose a lot of it is down to hormones, I was 13. I used to walk past his house, just incase I would see him, I even joined the string group at the music session me and a few friends went to on a saturday, just to be slightly nearer to him (I played the FLUTE!)
I suppose unsurprisingly I scared the crap out of him, I should also mention the other woman lol! There's always one isn't there, some beautiful, intelligent, perfect little creature that happens to be 'friends' with the so called crush and the so called crush happens to be very obvously infatuated with her and not you! I never wanted to be her, but I wanted her ability to be so casually close to x which now, you can see that the reason she didn't turn into a quibberling wreck just standing next to him was because she was older, wiser and not attracted to him in the slightest!
I don't think you ever feel that way you did with a first crush again, you can't, it's pre sex, pre maturity, pre complicated and adult based reletionships involving issues such as commitment and jealousy and whose turn it is to do the washing up! It's pure and sweet, and confusing and frustrating and horrible lol! You cannot understand why oh why you are drawn to this person, just that you are and that's that! I remember watching a film at school in the Lecture theatre, the day before we broke up for the summer holidays and he was sat behind me and I could not concentrate on any of the film, not one bit of it, I remember being slightly afraid to breath, and sitting like some sort of deranged statue!!
I did speak to him once though, I asked him to the cinema, at some terrible school trip, he said yes and I distinctly remember dancing in my kitchen when I got home, he later got some snotty nosed friend to tell me he didn't want to go, but he was a 15 year old boy so we can't really blame him, can we?
I suppose the strangest part about x is that I still see him, and speak to him without loosing control of my face and legs lol! In fact the first time I saw him again was a story in its self. Picture this, I am standing in Tesco trying to choose a bottle of wine and in the background matts chatting away has become a sort of humming noise, I catch the words invited them over, so enquire as to who, just a friend and x he replies, I nearly dropped the bottle, I swear, so that evening the guy I idolised at 13 years old, popped in for a beer. Surreal does not do it senario justice. Did I mention my days of lustful looks and awkward advancements? Of course not and neither did he, which I suppose at least shows he grew up to be a gentleman. However, my apologies x if I did in fact scare the living daylights out of you, as I suspect I did. It was just a crush!