My Nemesis

My Nemesis is in the Market Square. I spotted it last night on my way home, and then this morning as the tram glided to a hault, there it was, orange, red, spiralled and tall, standing straight and mocking me.
I met my first Helter Skelter as a child, my Grandfather had taken us to Maidenhead for the day, and it stood so proudly in the middle of the funfair that me and my sisters thought 'hey why not' so we climbed the stairs while my Grandfather found a bench to perch on and await us shooting out the bottom one by one, like unwanted food spat out by a child. I didn't actually realise I had a problem with heights until this moment (much as I didn't realise I had a problem with small spaces until as a girl guide, I found myself half way through a concrete tunnel on an adventure playground, unable to go either forward or back)! But back to the Helter Skelter. I got to the top and my sisters were ahead of me, as you can probably imagine there was quite a queue of excited children behind us, the lady handed us a sack and the children infront climbed in and started disappearing down this hole, I remember peering over my sisters shoulder unable to see where this hole was going to, it seemed to be going nowhere but down. And then it happened, I panicked, I couldn't breath and I really really wanted to sit down and stop the world from spinning, but I couldn't, partly because there wasn't much room to sit and partly because I was afraid if I sat down I would be mistaken for being eager to go down that tunnel of death! So I cried, the lady took my sack from me and waved at my Grandfather from the top, he instinctively stood up, worried and as my sisters disappeared down the tunnel I made my way past the excited children and down the stairs to my Grandfather's arms at the bottom. No judgement, even my sisters didn't say anything, they just ran off to find something else to go on, we never really talked about it again, but everytime we went to a fairground from then on I would always steer clear of the Helter Skelter and it's tunnel of death!

Eeeeeak

My house is leaking! I kid you not, we came home yesterday to find water pouring into our lounge through the top of the window! Joy oh joy! So it's been an odd kind of weekend. We are still madly planning to try and fit in seeing people in the one week me and matt both have off, will be going to Northampton, London, Kent, Dorset and home again within about 4 days! God writing it down makes it seem even more mental! But I am really looking forward to it. I think a few days away and some time off work may put things in perspective a bit and maybe pull me out of this slump that I am in as I can't seem to pull myself out at the moment. I hate being a grumpy old cow but I just cannot seem to snap out of it, Matt must have a will of steel to put up with me, or maybe I have just worn him down completely lol! I really need to get my arse in gear and start doing stuff, or not doing stuff, like leaving the washing in the machine for 6 days and then wearing my jeans to work and releasing that they smell like I found them in a skip! Or hovering the house more than once a week, infact finishing decorating that one wall in our lounge, one wall!! Or really knuckerling down with my work and getting my exams done, and doing that car boot that I have been planning to do for the last year. In fact sod this blogging malarky I've got way to much to be getting onwiwth, I'm off to make a list of things I need to and actually start doing them!! x

Ready to blog again!

I would like to apologies for my absence, it has mostly been filled with wedding madness but also a little soul searching.
After my last blog about teaching and my ability not to do it, a friend of mine commented on how 'sorted my life is' and it left me a little enraged (sorry) only I don't at all feel like my life is sorted, I suppose no-one really does, but I infact don't own my house, and I am in a job which I am pretty sure is going nowhere and most of the time feel like everything is madly sprialling out of my control! I suppose I should look at it in a positive way....while I feel that my life is utter chaos I am obviously doing a great swan impression because no-one else has seemed to notice lol! I am not sure why it left me feeling quite so shocked to see that others see my life as 'sorted' maybe because I am actally a little afraid of having a sorted life, lets be honest we all think we want a life of plain sailing and stress free living but actually, how dull? I think it's knowing that being sorted would make me an official grown up that is so terrifying, and yes I know getting married is pretty grown up, but I know that it won't change how me and matt are so I don't find the concept of being Mrs Kaufman that daunting lol! I suppose I should take it as a compliment, but if only I could figure out why everytime I read that comment I feel like someones taken the wind out of me?!