My friend made, what to me can only be described as, an absurd comment last night, that maybe I could teach? It's absurd because what on earth would I teach? I can think of nothing more crazy, you see I know I have learnt things, if not university was definitely a waste of three years of my life, plus the countless others I spent detained in god forsaken classrooms filled with crazy people and red chairs, and while I was disappointed with my 2:2 I did work hard for it, hence the disappointment at the final grade I was deemed worthy of receiving. The thing is though that I know what I am good at but I don't know what to do with it. I have always been a keen reader, many have, being able to read is not an outstanding skill in this day and age, however, I also have an uncanny knack of noticing the tiniest details. I can spot spelling mistakes and grammatical errors a mile off, I can read a 120 page script and see where one scene should so clearly be somewhere else. I can watch a film and rearrange it to be a better film, my mind can edit beyond anything my hands can do and I can write. Not all the time, and I am not trying to blow my own trumpet, despite a positively terrible week which has left me wishing I had the capability to drink myself stupid on a school night and still make it in to work. I am just saying that I can write. By 'not all the time' I mean I often want to write, sit down to do it and the most utter dribble you've ever read spills out, but at other times the product from my ever increasingly speedy fingers is brilliant. I am writing a novel, it's slow going, I have been doing it for a year, people have lost interest because they cannot believe it isn't finished already, but it takes time, a lot more time than I admit even I appreciated and the biggest problem with it....it's good, in fact it's friggin brilliant, and so when I sit down determined to add more to it, I start reading through the previous chapters and I cannot actually believe I have written this! It makes sense, it flows and I am in some sort of strange twisted relationship with my characters, I care about them, but I am not afraid to kill them off if the story fits. It's like a love hate relationship, where I play the role of puppet master! But I digress slightly, back to the absurd idea of me as a teacher, what would I teach people? Everything I know is somehow an instinct I have always had; I don't think it is transferable, not coherently anyway. People teach a subject they enjoy, that they are good at, could I teach English? No, I might be able to spot spelling mistakes but more often I know they are wrong but not how to put them right! I suppose this has all come from the fact that, a year after graduating I am still floating out at sea, dazed and confused but mostly at a loss at what it is I am to do, how do I use these bizarre skills of mine? I just pray that there is something out there for me, I just need to figure out exactly what it is and soon!
