The life of a faceless blogger

I think it's fair to say that I am NOT a faceless blogger, for one how does that work, really? How do you promote your blog, suggest it to your friends or avoid divulging any information that may reveal your identity. I can totally see why someone would want to be anonymous, I know that I have used this blog to lay some old demons to rest. Maybe because if you talk about things that are less than jolly, people find you less than jolly to be around, the problem is, that to move forward sometimes we must go back.

I also know that I was never really going to talk about a lot of the stuff I went through in my life face to face with anyone, it's not me. And while I know that everyone knows that these words are mine, it's ok, because this way I do feel protected, you can judge me but I cannot see you and therefore may never know, sometimes ignorance really is bliss! As for my parents, I don't really think they will ever read this and if they do, well they should know that I am the woman I am now because of the things I went through to be here, I am proud of me so they should be too (ok I secretly hope they do not read this but it's inevitable that at some point they may see it). I am pretty sure my brother has read it, and maybe my sisters, but our family aren't big on the talking, and feel pretty much that what happened in the past stays in the past. While the things I went through as a teenager aren't openly talked about, I no longer feel that they are the elephant in the room, thanks to this blog. For those of us who couldn't open up, who turned to other methods to cope be it drinking, crying, self-harm (that one was mine) or any other form of escape blogging has given us an outlet, I can't believe I am the only to feel like this. And so in an air of absolute honesty here are a few other things you may not have know about me:

• I totally LOVE singing and if I had the guts would join a band
• I used to be a bit of a goth, the Korn CD is long go, but I kept a few others
• I cannot skate or roller skate (I just never learnt)
• I really like Britney Spears
• I used to fancy Right Said Fred and the guy from the Crystal Maze

That's enough for now, I don't want to give it all away, you may stop reading! I suppose my point is that for some people this is the perfect anonymous release, to get out things they could or would never say in person, but for me, it's sort of a way of getting the real me out.

The average life of the not so normal‏

A friend of mine tweeted not so long a go 'some people don't realise how hard some of us are working just to be normal.' This friend is a guy who hates football and doesn't drink, loves films and bikes and taking pictures, and therefore believes that people find him not 'normal' as he does not fill the stereotype of your average man, and worryingly it's probably true. For some of us a standard conversation with another human being is a terribly scary thing, I'm a what I like to call a 'try hard', someone whose fairly certain they are not 'normal' but try damn hard to be. We all know there's no such thing as 'normal' I mean, how is it measured? But then we also know the average man drinks 4 pints a week, women spend thousands a year on make-up and 2 year old boys do not play with barbies, right? I'm not sure who decided what constitutes the 'norm' but I can't help wondering if that person was also a 'try hard.' Most of the time we get away with our abnormal natures by surrounding ourselves with other 'try hards' but occasionally we are let loose on unsuspecting prey, for example, the friend mentioned above was once responsible (in a work capacity) for escorting Robert Carlyle to a premier of one of his films. Unfortunately all Robert wanted to talk about on the way there was where was good to get a beer and the footie (I envisaged an IT Crowd 'did you see that ludicrous display' moment coming on) or myself, who when speaking to an Editor from the BBC and the conversation dried up, rather than standing 'normally' and not saying anything, pipped up 'did you know that if the tram and the train had a race the tram would win' still a classic among my colleagues! So for some of us the very act of being 'normal' is an everyday thought as much as remembering to breathe in and out it is for everyone else . Unless there are more of us 'try hards' than I had realised?

Those little life decisions.........

There's some decisions you put off in life until they hit you right in the face. Last year I started studying for my national certificate in journalism. Within 6 months I tried to learn and sit 5 exams it was too much and I fell below the pass rate on all 5, effectively failing them all. It was a huge knock to my already faltering confidence and I put them all on the back burner, convincing myself I would tackle them again once my other major life decision (getting married) was out of the way. Now a year later and a Mrs I am taking the decision to start again. This time I have decided to do it in smaller pieces. A decision I should have taken from the start. Sitting only 2 exams at a time will take me another 8 months to finish the qualification, taking into account my own learning ability this time (and the fact that the exams are only every few months) I now know it'll be tough going but I have a determination that I never had before. I want to accomplish something fulfilling and meaningful to me. It'll be a hard slog but as they say you only have to do these things once, or twice in my case!

Oh crikey bikey!

We have bikes, yep, we're quitting the gym and cycling everywhere instead, like some smug middle class yuppies who have discovered a brighter way to exercising than running indoors. The truth however is that the reason we enjoy this type of exercise so much is because we know it so well. Going to the gym became an unpleasant chore, in fact 'became' may be pushing it, there was no sense of excitement joining the gym, not like with the bikes. Last night I was positively jumping up and down with the endless possibilities of where we could go (I had apparently completely forgotten that I posses a driving licence and could get twice as far twice as fast). I even have a helmet, it's white and pink and I look about 12 in it, which is ironic because at 12 I would not have been seen dead in a helmet (and it's probably a miracle that I wasn't), but now I am terrified to leave the drive without it on! And so have begun our cycling adventures, noticeably wobblier than I ever remember it all being and it turns out the saying is true, you don't forget, but your confidence certainly goes a little, we cycled almost non-stop around the little villages near the town we live in and we found ourselves passing through a wooded area as the sun was starting to set and stopped to admire the view, before setting off on our journey again and having to shut out the urge to play knock a door run on our friend as we cycled passed his house! So maybe the adult in us cannot be suppressed at all times, but it's sure good to let that inner kid in us out for a while, even if it is just to do wheelies on the drive!