Finally the sun has decided to raise it's head and allow us to have a least a little bit of sunshine! I even wore my flip flops to work today! Wonders will never cease! Decided to make the most of the sun while it was out and walked up to the castle to eat my lunch and even treated my self to a 99p from the ice cream van (which was actually £1.50, is that down to inflation, I am not sure?) Anyway we took in the views of nottingham from the castle walls and were suitably chuffed (especially as we had discovered that if you can prove you are a resident of nottingham you get into the castle free monday-friday) so that makes up for the 51p increase on my ice cream I guess!
All in all it's not been a bad week! I have apparently won a laptop from a competition I entered although it hasn't arrived yet and I don't think I will be completely convinced it isn't a scam until I get it, although it is through the NHS and they wouldn't lie to me, would they? So I am looking forward to a sunny weekend, with friends and maybe even a BBQ. So where ever you are and whatever you are doing, enjoy! x
Friday, 29 May 2009
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Teenage crushes
In a mad rush to grab yet another book to read on the tram (I have read about 4 in the last month) I picked up one that I haven't read for a long time, and in fact one that I love dearly, without even realising I did. It is called Letters of a Love Struck Teenage and I got it free in Seventeen Magazine when I was about 13, which means I have had it for about 11 years now, the pages have little folds where I have marked my place in the past and the paper is starting to brown as old paper does and reading it again, as an 'adult' is a rather strange, sad and nostalgic experience. It has in fact made me think of my first real crush, so I thought I would tell you about him. I won't tell you his name as
a) I think most people know who he was (unless you were living under a rock that is) and
b) I think he went through enough termoil when I was stalking, I mean admiring him, all those years ago.
So he will be known as x.
I first noticed x when I was about 13, he was the bass player in our school band and two school years above me, he wasn't your usual crush (and I don't think he'll mind me saying that) you see he was rather geeky, he played in the band, was/is very intelligent and not the usual bad boy crushes that 13 year old girls go for. But I suppose I wasn't your usual 13 year old, for one I was a HUGE geek and for two I was hardly winning any beauty competitions myself!
However, for whatever reason I was infatuated with x, pretty much wherever he went I somehow mysteriously turned up (when in fact there was nothing mysterious about it, I had probably been planning with my friends down to the last detail, for weeks how to casually 'turn' up lol) sounds bonkers doesn't it? But I suppose a lot of it is down to hormones, I was 13. I used to walk past his house, just incase I would see him, I even joined the string group at the music session me and a few friends went to on a saturday, just to be slightly nearer to him (I played the FLUTE!)
I suppose unsurprisingly I scared the crap out of him, I should also mention the other woman lol! There's always one isn't there, some beautiful, intelligent, perfect little creature that happens to be 'friends' with the so called crush and the so called crush happens to be very obvously infatuated with her and not you! I never wanted to be her, but I wanted her ability to be so casually close to x which now, you can see that the reason she didn't turn into a quibberling wreck just standing next to him was because she was older, wiser and not attracted to him in the slightest!
I don't think you ever feel that way you did with a first crush again, you can't, it's pre sex, pre maturity, pre complicated and adult based reletionships involving issues such as commitment and jealousy and whose turn it is to do the washing up! It's pure and sweet, and confusing and frustrating and horrible lol! You cannot understand why oh why you are drawn to this person, just that you are and that's that! I remember watching a film at school in the Lecture theatre, the day before we broke up for the summer holidays and he was sat behind me and I could not concentrate on any of the film, not one bit of it, I remember being slightly afraid to breath, and sitting like some sort of deranged statue!!
I did speak to him once though, I asked him to the cinema, at some terrible school trip, he said yes and I distinctly remember dancing in my kitchen when I got home, he later got some snotty nosed friend to tell me he didn't want to go, but he was a 15 year old boy so we can't really blame him, can we?
I suppose the strangest part about x is that I still see him, and speak to him without loosing control of my face and legs lol! In fact the first time I saw him again was a story in its self. Picture this, I am standing in Tesco trying to choose a bottle of wine and in the background matts chatting away has become a sort of humming noise, I catch the words invited them over, so enquire as to who, just a friend and x he replies, I nearly dropped the bottle, I swear, so that evening the guy I idolised at 13 years old, popped in for a beer. Surreal does not do it senario justice. Did I mention my days of lustful looks and awkward advancements? Of course not and neither did he, which I suppose at least shows he grew up to be a gentleman. However, my apologies x if I did in fact scare the living daylights out of you, as I suspect I did. It was just a crush!
a) I think most people know who he was (unless you were living under a rock that is) and
b) I think he went through enough termoil when I was stalking, I mean admiring him, all those years ago.
So he will be known as x.
I first noticed x when I was about 13, he was the bass player in our school band and two school years above me, he wasn't your usual crush (and I don't think he'll mind me saying that) you see he was rather geeky, he played in the band, was/is very intelligent and not the usual bad boy crushes that 13 year old girls go for. But I suppose I wasn't your usual 13 year old, for one I was a HUGE geek and for two I was hardly winning any beauty competitions myself!
However, for whatever reason I was infatuated with x, pretty much wherever he went I somehow mysteriously turned up (when in fact there was nothing mysterious about it, I had probably been planning with my friends down to the last detail, for weeks how to casually 'turn' up lol) sounds bonkers doesn't it? But I suppose a lot of it is down to hormones, I was 13. I used to walk past his house, just incase I would see him, I even joined the string group at the music session me and a few friends went to on a saturday, just to be slightly nearer to him (I played the FLUTE!)
I suppose unsurprisingly I scared the crap out of him, I should also mention the other woman lol! There's always one isn't there, some beautiful, intelligent, perfect little creature that happens to be 'friends' with the so called crush and the so called crush happens to be very obvously infatuated with her and not you! I never wanted to be her, but I wanted her ability to be so casually close to x which now, you can see that the reason she didn't turn into a quibberling wreck just standing next to him was because she was older, wiser and not attracted to him in the slightest!
I don't think you ever feel that way you did with a first crush again, you can't, it's pre sex, pre maturity, pre complicated and adult based reletionships involving issues such as commitment and jealousy and whose turn it is to do the washing up! It's pure and sweet, and confusing and frustrating and horrible lol! You cannot understand why oh why you are drawn to this person, just that you are and that's that! I remember watching a film at school in the Lecture theatre, the day before we broke up for the summer holidays and he was sat behind me and I could not concentrate on any of the film, not one bit of it, I remember being slightly afraid to breath, and sitting like some sort of deranged statue!!
I did speak to him once though, I asked him to the cinema, at some terrible school trip, he said yes and I distinctly remember dancing in my kitchen when I got home, he later got some snotty nosed friend to tell me he didn't want to go, but he was a 15 year old boy so we can't really blame him, can we?
I suppose the strangest part about x is that I still see him, and speak to him without loosing control of my face and legs lol! In fact the first time I saw him again was a story in its self. Picture this, I am standing in Tesco trying to choose a bottle of wine and in the background matts chatting away has become a sort of humming noise, I catch the words invited them over, so enquire as to who, just a friend and x he replies, I nearly dropped the bottle, I swear, so that evening the guy I idolised at 13 years old, popped in for a beer. Surreal does not do it senario justice. Did I mention my days of lustful looks and awkward advancements? Of course not and neither did he, which I suppose at least shows he grew up to be a gentleman. However, my apologies x if I did in fact scare the living daylights out of you, as I suspect I did. It was just a crush!
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Horlicks guards against night starvation
Sorry about the title, I came across it the other day and it really made me smile...........and then frown, as in my mind I see night starvation as some kind of monster that the mighty horlicks fends off while you are sleeping, but I suppose they had to think of something unique to try and sell it, seeing as it tastes like utter crap lol!!
So what have I been up to over the last week? Alot as it so happens, works been a bit mad and it turns out I am quite rubbish at collating information, I literally have no idea why, but when I do it it just doesn't work, I mean I can find completely different information to everyone else, completely different wrong information I should point out! Not very inspiring for someone whose still thinking of going into journalism. I say thinking as the studying is going slowly, very slowly and I am not sure I can
a) teach myself this stuff
b) be any good at the stuff once I know it
c) stand any hope of find a job, especially in todays market.
The problem is that I am a writer of fiction, so I can write for hours about nothing but having to actually write about 'something' now thats a whole new kettle of fish which makes me feel very scared (maybe kettle of sharks is more appropriate).
Plus my confidence levels are at about -200 at the moment, I know knowledge I just cannot part with it! What the hell is wrong with me?
Despite all the pasts weeks ups and many many downs while I continued to get stuff wrong and annoy people, I have learnt a huge amount of information, I have gained a clearer underestanding of the company I work for, I can pretty much tell you with production company goes with almost any of the many many films we have financed and the best lesson of all, I realised how great it feels to tell someone 'your film was great' and see them smile!! So all in all not the worst weelk ever, but still, roll on Friday!!
So what have I been up to over the last week? Alot as it so happens, works been a bit mad and it turns out I am quite rubbish at collating information, I literally have no idea why, but when I do it it just doesn't work, I mean I can find completely different information to everyone else, completely different wrong information I should point out! Not very inspiring for someone whose still thinking of going into journalism. I say thinking as the studying is going slowly, very slowly and I am not sure I can
a) teach myself this stuff
b) be any good at the stuff once I know it
c) stand any hope of find a job, especially in todays market.
The problem is that I am a writer of fiction, so I can write for hours about nothing but having to actually write about 'something' now thats a whole new kettle of fish which makes me feel very scared (maybe kettle of sharks is more appropriate).
Plus my confidence levels are at about -200 at the moment, I know knowledge I just cannot part with it! What the hell is wrong with me?
Despite all the pasts weeks ups and many many downs while I continued to get stuff wrong and annoy people, I have learnt a huge amount of information, I have gained a clearer underestanding of the company I work for, I can pretty much tell you with production company goes with almost any of the many many films we have financed and the best lesson of all, I realised how great it feels to tell someone 'your film was great' and see them smile!! So all in all not the worst weelk ever, but still, roll on Friday!!
Thursday, 7 May 2009
A little responsability
So anyone whose anyone knows that Cannes is now fast approaching (I say that, but 6 months ago I couldn't even prononce Cannes let alone know that it was the location for one of the biggest film festivals in the world)! But it is, and although the tabloids are telling us that the credit crunch and swine flu panic will knock down the amount of flash parties etc I somewhat doubt that an erupting volcanoe in the centre of Cannes would stop a group of wealthy film buffs from having a damn good time. I have to say though it's not the type of festival that leaves me feeling sad that I won't (and probably never will) be included on the companies list of people attending. That said Edinburgh International Film Festival, known in the bizz as EIFF, has me wishing I could tag along. Not only is it in Edinburgh, a place I would give up my right arm to visit (which for a writer is a pretty bit deal to make) but because for me it has a bigger lure in terms of the atmosphere it creates and the types of films it shows, less art house more grit! (what more could a girl want)! And with a fab selection such as Big Things and Le Donk, who wouldn't want to see them on the big screen at the big festival!? I certianly would!
It becomes apparent more and more that in my job I am learning considerably every day, sometimes without even realising I am learning, I have been given a snippet more responsability, and it's nice, I am starting to relax, finally (it's only been 5 months after all) the problem with temping for so long is part of me can't seem to fully let go and realise that this is it, my first permanent job, it's not going to end in a months time (at least I bloody hope not) and despite all the politics that come with any job, I am enjoying it, I am finally working in the industry I love, I am meeting people that inspire me almost everyday and subsiquently I am writing again, the novel is being drip fed back to life and I have started a 'gritty' and stark screen play which is somewhat autobiographical and somewhat shocking (whether I will ever have the guts to do anything with something quite so personal time will tell?!) But the point is I feel inspired and alive, and no I don't want to be a receptionist forever but I am in the door, I don't know how many people applied for this post but I like to think I did damn well to get it and I want to prove that I can do more than this and I can work competently and with enthusiasm in this industry, why? Not because I want to run up the corporate ladder, filling my pockets as I go (although that would be nice) but because I feel at home, surrounded by my creative peers, great minds and great experience all around and I hope that I can now finally relax.
It becomes apparent more and more that in my job I am learning considerably every day, sometimes without even realising I am learning, I have been given a snippet more responsability, and it's nice, I am starting to relax, finally (it's only been 5 months after all) the problem with temping for so long is part of me can't seem to fully let go and realise that this is it, my first permanent job, it's not going to end in a months time (at least I bloody hope not) and despite all the politics that come with any job, I am enjoying it, I am finally working in the industry I love, I am meeting people that inspire me almost everyday and subsiquently I am writing again, the novel is being drip fed back to life and I have started a 'gritty' and stark screen play which is somewhat autobiographical and somewhat shocking (whether I will ever have the guts to do anything with something quite so personal time will tell?!) But the point is I feel inspired and alive, and no I don't want to be a receptionist forever but I am in the door, I don't know how many people applied for this post but I like to think I did damn well to get it and I want to prove that I can do more than this and I can work competently and with enthusiasm in this industry, why? Not because I want to run up the corporate ladder, filling my pockets as I go (although that would be nice) but because I feel at home, surrounded by my creative peers, great minds and great experience all around and I hope that I can now finally relax.
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