A toast before we go into battle. True love. In whatever shape or form it may come. May we all in our dotage be proud to say, "I was adored once too"

My apologies for the Four Weddings and a funeral quote. Guess we know what I will be watching the night before the big day! So we are finally booking our wedding, I will finally wear a stunning white dress (and undoubtedly cry all over it) and I will fainlly be Mrs Isabel Kaufman, I have to say that, now it's happening, coupled with the extreme excitement that has me jumping up and down at regular intervals, I also feel some what saddened. This will sound odd, but I have never felt my name went togther, you know how when people are trying to name a new baby and they say 'no that doesn't go' well apparently no-on said that when I was named. Isabel Paton. It just doesn't flow, so while part of me is glad to be getting a name that at least in my mind fits together, I am also sad to be loosing a) the name I have carried, all be it awkwardly, for the last 24 years and b) my Scottish connection, something which I have always felt quietly proud of.
There's other things too, such as being someones wife, which has a sense of ownership I dislike but at the same time a tremendous sense of safety which I love.
I am going to be with the same person for the rest of my life (yes forever........) and again fear coupled with utter excitment at the prospect of being with Matt always, knowing that my best friend, the person who makes me smile, scraps me of the floor when I am feeling blue and for some bizaare reason still loves me despite my many pages of faluts will be with me always. I suppose I should be more sceptical, mainly because both mine and Matt's parents are devorced but for whatever reason I remain hopeful that whatever the problem there will always be a way through, and I also know that, love is not enough to survive, that it takes hard work, communication and friendship! Luckily I firmly believe we have these things too :)